A Letter to Little Me

Dear Avery,

I am writing this letter to you now because there are some things that I know to be true now that I wish I knew when I was younger. I have grown so much. I have experienced and felt the world with my own heart and soul and felt the vibrations of the earth with my two hands and feet– and eventually you will too. I know that you are starting to realize that life is not easy, but damn is it worth it when your small wishes come true… (and many of them will).

You should know that whatever hardship you may experience in the next few years, you will get through it. I am living proof that the battles you will face will only become steel to your spine. You will be stronger in the end. Your innocent heart will be broken, by experiences and by people you may not even know yet. When life hits you hard, it sucks. But you will realize how to comfort yourself, through writing and poetry, through good music and zealous laughter. You will learn how to use your tears as fuel and take each moment as it comes. You will experience some days where you look at yourself in the mirror and try and pin point everything wrong with you… I still do that now. But one important lesson I have grasped is that our bodies are magic: they work and work no matter how much we try to tell them they are not good enough, that you are not good enough. Well, you are, you are more than good enough, and your body is healthy and strong and doing everything that it can to make sure you are not only living, but feeling alive. Take advantage of it while you are healthy enough to do so 🙂

There will be times when you feel that your sensitivity can consume you. You will feel as though you feel too much. You will question your heart and ask it why it takes on the worries of the world. Your heart will ache along with your friends and family. But the beautiful thing is, you will also feel so much joy when others are feeling joy. You will experience laugher and happiness in more ways than most. Do not be ashamed of the way you are wired… it is what makes you the sensitive and empathetic individual you are. In fact, there are others that you will meet along your journey in life that are exactly like you, and it is so refreshing to recognize that all you are feeling is not only valid, but normal. Anxiety will cross your path, more times than one, but from the times where you feel so estranged from your own brain, you will learn so much about yourself; and most importantly, you will start to write as a coping mechanism, but it will turn into so much more. You will find worth and meaning in your writing. You will write so much about Mommy: about how many questions and pain that has caused you, but how you live through her. You will also write about your funny awkward moments, and laugh to yourself while doing it, that make you who you are, because literally everyone will start saying “your life is like a movie” and “that would ONLY happen to you.” You will write about heartbreak, about yourself, about the perspectives and lessons you wish to share with the world. You will write poetry, you will write memoirs, you will jot down notes in your phone and journals in your notebooks; but then you will create a blog, and it will answer so many questions for you. You will start to write blogs for yourself, and when you get the courage to share them, your blogs will manifest into something that others like to read too. Your ability to write is a gift: do not take it for granted. Do not ever question if your words are worth reading, because in the end, your ability to write is one of the only things that no one can take away from you, and you started this for yourself.

Let’s talk about when you start feeling less like a girl and more like a woman. When you become a woman, you realize that you are in complete control of your body and your mind. You will start to gradually realize that you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally different. This does not happen overnight, but one day you will just pick up on it and recognize the magnitude of this new feeling. You may not really realize what being a true woman is until binge-watching Sex & The City and seeing 13 Going on 30 for the 50th time, but seemingly out of no where, you will just kinda fall in love with the badass female you are becoming. And on this day, you will write a 4 page journal in your little black book and feel like superwoman. You will feel in touch with a different part of your mind. You will find a new confidence. You will find your voice, internally (in your brain) and externally (in the world), and you will use it. You will become your own role model. When you become a woman, you start to realize that your body is a kingdom, and your worth is something only you can determine. You will notice that suddenly, out of no where, you have full hips, full lips, and a multitude of passion and ideas. You will start to become extremely self-aware in the best way. You will know what you like, and really know what you don’t like, including when your taste changes from juvenile boys to (still juvenile) men… we are still working on that. And finally, you will be able to understand and validate your feelings and emotions all on your own.

It may sound scary to grow up… I know that. I’m still scared of it. I am not going to embellish that yes, life and growing up can be frightening and anxiety-provoking, but honey, it is also so so so awesome.

What I want to end this letter with is this:

  • while you will never be perfect, it doesn’t matter because you are so loved for your imperfections… & you may not really understand that until later in life.
  • you should not change for anyone, or even try. you have an adaptive personality naturally, and you are going to realize just how much of a people-pleaser you truly are. it is a blessing and a curse, but do not get wrapped up in it. you are who you are for so many reasons.
  • you will touch & enrich the lives of other people just by being who you are. through your words, your writing, and your smile. marvel in this 🙂

You will learn so much in the next few years to come. And when it comes down to it, while this life is hard, this life is good. I am still failing and thriving every day; but I know that each experience experience, both good and bad, is going to shape me. Each person I meet will shape me. I have left out a lot in this letter, intentionally, because there are just some things you cannot put words to, only feelings. There is so much beauty in this world, so much to be felt and seen, and I hope that you feel and see it all — and I know you will.

All my love and wishes,

Me

 

 

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