I’ve been wondering why recently I will wake up and go to bed feeling so nostalgic and sad yet, as each day goes on, I am so happy. And I realize that because I am so happy where I am and with who I am becoming, I don’t want to let it go. I do not want to leave it behind. Now that may not really make sense to some of you because why would you feel sad if you are truly happy? I believe it is because when something fills our soul with so much joy, we are already thinking about losing it. And that is the essence of impermanence.
I love being in college. I love the independence, the self-discovery, the people, the social aspect, the freedom to do and learn whatever I wish. But as the temperature drops with each degree, I cannot help but think about the time dwindling. I am young, still a sophomore, so how am I already sad about not being here? How am I mourning a loss that I have yet to experience? Just as winter break is approaching and I am almost done with the semester, I started to feel this sense of immense nostalgia. I decided to watch a video called “Existential Bummer” where Jason Silva talks about this idea that we are literally split into the idea of whether or not we should accept that everything is impermanent. I first saw this video during my senior year of high school, a time with so much emotion and anxiety. I was petrified and excited at the same time, but I didn’t really understand this video until this feeling hit me. Here is the link, I suggest you all watch it (only a few minutes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb-OYmHVchQ
In the video, the man speaking notes that, “That’s why sometimes I feel nostalgic over something I haven’t lost yet… because I see it’s transience.” And then he discusses how we should cope with this, and this part is what always gets me to tears. He notes that we should fight against this feeling by living to our utmost potential. This idea sends chills down my spine every. single. time.
The idea that everything comes and goes is so hard to grasp for a life-lover like myself. I cannot seem to allow this idea to settle in my mind that everything is temporary and fleeting moments become morsels of memories engrained in our brains. The beautiful thing about fighting this idea is that these memories are able to live on forever through art. Through writing, music, photographs. We can never fully revisit a feeling or a moment or a time in our lives though, and perhaps that is why we get so lost in our thoughts when we are reminded of them.
I urge you all to preserve these snapshots of your life. The moments where you are so overflowing with joy and sadness all at the same time. The moments where every part of you has completely defied to the idea that this is one of the times that will pass. But the best part is that so many of these moments have not even happened yet…
So for now, “rage, rage against the dying of the light” 🙂