I am slowly crawling out of the period of my life where my brain became dry of all ideas to blog about. And I have decided to start a new series of blogs called “To Be”… where I title the blog “To Be … [insert word of choice]” and I will elaborate on my definition of the word & how it applies to my life and my thoughts. I hope this journey brings back my blogger’s flow :).. but for today, we are wild.
To be wild. To be incredibly, beautifully, intelligently, unsteadily wild. I have been living my life like it is a blank book and I am a crayon: filling in each page with my own bursts of color and brilliance. No page is perfect, some may even be ripped or crinkled or stained or even torn, but no page is the same either. Each page is filled with me… corner to corner, page to page, it is all forms of me.
I have rediscovered what it is like to be completely wild. I do not mean wild in the sense that I am getting in trouble or being reckless, but I mean wild in the sense that I am laughing at my bed head and tripping over my own feet and crying if I am sad or smiling to myself if I am happy and dancing like a crazy person and embracing myself: my overthinking crazy self… creating the best version of me with each rise and set of sun. I am allowing myself to be free from the constraints of my anxiety and judgments (as best as I can.. sometimes anxiety is just a flat out nuisance and doesn’t want to shut up), free from sources of unhappiness and anger, free from not allowing myself to be who I am meant to be. I am coloring each page of my book with splatter paint, with patterns that make the brain wiggle, and with so much vibrance that you can’t look away.
So what is it that I am doing that is so wild? I am:
- going out with my friends as much as possible, and not really caring how ridiculous my hair looks at the end of the night or if my eyeliner is smudged.
- cooking with so much color and so little knowledge of what I am doing (yet it still ends up delicious.. wife material right here).
- standing strong with my heart and recognizing that I am young & that I don’t need to be in love or searching for it.
- rediscovering my love for tea time.. there is nothing quite like tea & honey to accompany my down time.
- feeling the music I listen to. really really feeling it.
- praising myself for being badass enough to share with others how I feel, and not feeling an ounce of regret for saying anything that has meaning.
- using lots of lipgloss and lipstick, because it boosts my confidence.
- trying my best to love my insecurities rather than shun them.
- accepting the fact that not everyone will love me, or even like me, and realizing that I should be comfortable in my own skin to be okay with this fact.
- going on slip n slides every time I am presented with the opportunity (in college it’s pretty frequent).
- embracing when I am loud, blunt, crazy, and extroverted & also embracing when I am reserved, quiet, and timid, and introverted.
- drinking the extra cup of coffee
- living through the eyes (and dance moves) of my mother… and asking myself- how can I be myself but also embrace her bold way of living?
- daydreaming 🙂
It is so important that we are accepting of where we are in this given moment. Where are you in your wild journey? There is always a lesson to be learned and always a song to be sung, so let us do our best to extract the juice in even the driest of fruits: take the good out of the bad and really let yourself be as bold as they come. Roam free, listen to sad music if you’re feeling sad, climb ladders to the sunshine, let your eyes fill with tears, be where you are in that moment. Color your own blank book. Be your own definition of wild.