I don’t know what I believe happens to us after we pass, but I know it must be something beautiful. What I do know to be true is that our souls live on after our bodies have surrendered to the earth. I do not follow a certain religion, but I still believe in a lot of things. I am a very spiritual person. And what I have found so much faith in is knowing deep in my heart that my mom’s presence is with me. Always, yes, but particularly, I see her in dragonflies. Say whaaaaat?
I have never really been freaked out by dragonflies like some are. I found their translucent wings and thin bodies to be delicate and magical, kinda like a fairy. I didn’t really think anything of them until my mom passed away. Yet, after talking with my mom’s best friend about how she believes my mom lives as a dragonfly, I started to notice their presence.
My Aunt Mimi (mom’s BFF), one of the greatest humans in the world, and I were in a mall parking lot, out of all places, and I will never forget this moment. We were talking about my mom: her lively spirit and zestful personality. And, just then, a dragonfly flew to the roof of the car and lingered there for a bit. IN A MALL PARKING LOT! That does not just happen. And after that, I became captivated with the idea that she was with me in the form of such an energetic yet beautifully intricate being. I cannot even recall how many dragonflies I have seen since then, and as cheesy as it is, I always smile. Knowing my hysterical mama, I could be in a port-o-potty and she would fly by just to make me giggle. I’ve seen dragonflies anywhere from being in bumper-to-bumper traffic on a highway to my grandmother’s pond to beautiful soils of Costa Rica. She is everywhere on this earth, traveling and living this amazing life with me. It makes me so happy. I have never felt more spiritually connected with any other being; so it has really been magical to believe in something so close to my heart.
From a spiritual perspective, dragonflies can symbolize living in the moment, something that is so important especially considering how she passed. Dragonflies only live for a few months, so their time on this earth is sacred. If only we lived our lives this way. My mom’s death was sudden; it was a beyond painful reminder to live life to the fullest each day and never to take our lives for granted. Life can be so sweet to us if we let it.
My heart hurts… a lot & often. It stings especially on mother’s day and her birthday: days where I crave nothing more than to rest my head on her warm sun-kissed and freckled shoulders. It stings when I need her maternal advice, when I need a big squeeze, or when I’m not feeling well. It stings when I just want to lay in my bed and forget the world exists around me because I want nothing more than her nails to tickle my back. Nothing about grieving is a process, it is not finite (see my blog post about it), but we learn to see beauty in the world again. When your world comes crashing down so suddenly, there are always cracks for the sunshine to come in. And that sunshine is the dragonflies: my constant reminder that her wings will take her to me to remind me that our love and bond are everlasting. So mommy, wherever you may be dancing and making crazy faces, thank you for allowing me to see that the world gives us gifts if we let it and that sometimes, it is okay to let things fly by. xoxo