So it’s the end of January and this is usually the time we check in with our resolutions and start eliminating some. (Such as going to the gym every day. HA!) But there is one that I have reminded myself of daily, and I hope to stick with throughout this year, and that is to only exert my energies onto people who are able to exert that same energy back. As a giver, it has been quite a process.
Side note: if you think this applies to you, read this article, it is very interesting: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-you-an-over-giver-people-who-give-too-much/
I love people. I believe we all live off of other peoples’ energies and we are who we are because of each interaction we have. But one thing I have learned is that it is a waste of energy to care about people who are undeserving or unable to reciprocate. We are people, not doormats. We should not be stepped on repetitively for always being there. What I have grown to know is that it can be incredibly exhausting to reserve a spot in your heart for people who do not make efforts to stay there. It has been hard for me to accept this, to accept the fact that not everyone will care about every soul they encounter as much as me. As a natural people pleaser, there have been many times in my life where I would spend way too long just ruminating on the nature of my being and becoming angry about it. How could I give so much to people and be left feeling so devalued? I still get hung up on this. Instead of focusing on the people that enjoy me as a person and my company in a room, I would grow upset about those that did not seem to want me around. But I am learning to stop placing my self-worth on the people who do not accept me for myself, because I have people in my life who love to see me smile and who praise me for my ability to care immensely for others. I think it is absolutely important to to stay in touch with old friends (becoming out of touch is a different story) and to grow as humans by connecting with people. We should engage with anyone we have the opportunity to engage with. But we should not get so caught up in the people that are just “half-there” if we are fully there. We should strive to create relationships where there is mutuality. I am challenging myself this year to redirect my focus to the people in my life that want to be around me and I want to be around them. The relationships where there is mutual love and appreciation… be it friendships, relationships, family, whatever it is.
I am not going to change who I am and how I act because other people will not accept me or put forth the same energy that I am giving, but I will value and focus on the ones who do.