A lot of people note that grieving is a process. But by definition, a process is defined as: a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end.
The thing is, grieving has no end. And while this truth is painful, it is real. I don’t see grieving as a process, I see it as a part of everyday life. It sucks because the same pain is there every day, but because it is such a prevalent part of our lives, we learn to live with it. Some days, the grief weighs heavier on the heart, while other days we are able to set it aside. Some days, we crave for the person’s existence; we crave for their laughter or their soft skin, we crave for their hugs or for their soothing voice. Grieving is kind of like a bee.. sometimes it isn’t bothersome, but other times it decides to sting you seemingly out of no where.
Some days I swear I see her in my dreams and it feels like I could reach my hand out just so she could grab mine and spin me round and round. Some days I feel her aura through the presence of her loved ones; I see her smile in their eyes. Some days one of favorite songs will play in the car, and tears will fuse together so quickly that my vision becomes a blob. Some days I reminisce on her voicemails, the way she would start each one the same and the way her words would warm up the room so effortlessly. Some days I slip on her old shirts, just to feel something that touched her freckled peachy shoulders that I used to rest my little head on. Some days I stare at her pictures for hours, mesmerized by the way certain features of mine can replicate hers so intricately… and hoping to keep each beautiful detail of her engrained in my mind as my eyes slowly close.
Grief travels with us every day, but some days are harder than others, I tell myself.