We live in a world where deep feelings for people are not always welcomed, so I’ve sometimes felt ashamed of myself for feeling anything at all. I feel everything with every bone and every muscle in my body. I’ve always been this way and I always will be. I feel and feel and feel and it used to make me so angry at myself… I felt kinda stupid, and I felt like I was a burden not only to myself but to others (and a lot of times, I still do). Why am I like this? Why do I care for people that cannot reciprocate?
Connecting and interacting with people has always been something I found myself to be good at. I’m a people-person. I am fascinated with others’ passions, quirks, stories, and mannerisms. I think the fact that every human on this earth is different is so fascinating. When I find myself becoming really interested in someone, it is always in the small things: how their face lights up when they talk about something they’re passionate about, how they think, how they laugh and smile, etc.
But I did not realize how much capacity and fire my heart had until I was hurt. And when I found myself low on self love and self confidence… I started questioning why I feel the way I do: why my heart is able to capture feelings so quickly and so intensely. I felt ridiculous for having deep feelings for someone so quickly. And to be honest, I still kinda do. I am not 100% okay with the way that I am, but who really is? I could think of so many people that would just brush off the situation I was going through, and that made me feel horrible. How could I feel so much when some of my peers around me could go without feeling anything at all? It scared me… A lot. And it made me sad. Vulnerability is like a sponge: it can absorb so much energy from us and leave us feeling fragile. I was vulnerable because at the time, I had no reason not to be. Open heart. I was giving advice to a dear friend who happens to be wired very similarly to myself.. And I told her this:
“Don’t ever modify the way your heart works because the person on the other side won’t accept the love”
I realized that I shouldn’t just go about my life feeling shallow about how I am because I can’t control it. And why should I be mad at myself for seeing the good in people and cherishing it? After I said that to my friend, I realized how absurd I was to believe that I can control how I am designed to be. And I thought, maybe I should take my own advice. I feel a lot, maybe too much sometimes, but it is okay. My heart is active, vulnerable, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It is a magical thing to feel. I won’t let myself believe that I should shut off my emotions just because they are intense and real, even if I am hurt.
I love the way that I love. I care about people, and that is not a bad thing. To be able to have the smallest things about someone resonate in our hearts, minds, and souls and cause us to have butterflies in our stomachs and chills down our spines: that’s magic.
So feel, there is nothing wrong with it. If it’s love, grief, confusion, despair, whatever it may be, put your energized mind to rest and let your heart do the talking. It is all valid. When we stop trying to bury our emotions and start accepting them, we realize that being able to feel things is what makes us human after all.