Grandparents are the best people on the face of the earth. You cannot even argue that. In fact, they don’t even have to be your own grandparents to be cotton-topped cuteness. There is just something about the warmth of their souls: how they always wanna stuff your bellies (bless the generation prior to the the further studies of how bad processed foods are) though they forgot that they already fed you like not even 15 minutes ago, or how they squeeze you until you have to remind them that you are not breathing. Here are a few reasons why I love all sorts of grandparents but most importantly, my own:
1) Everything I do is a big deal. I could have literally scored a basket in gym class basketball and it would be just as exciting as my sweet 16. Biggest fans!
2) There are the grandparents that use (or have but don’t use) dial up internet, and then there are the grandparents with an iPhone 6 (yet still need to use their reading glasses and do the cute thing where they only text with their pointer finger) and I have both.
3) You can always count on the fact that if your grandparents use Facebook, they will happily comment on everything you post and feel the need to sign their names as if we don’t know who you are. Love you guys for it!
4) You take Grandma to the mall and she complains how everything looks like a bra
5) Do not even think about bringing up Hollywood stars unless it’s Meryl Streep, that Molly Cyrus is such a bad influence!
6) Holidays. So much food. Somehow there will always be the sparkly sweater and/or purse gift from the sale rack at Macys. And yeah I totally needed that back scratcher. Best gift ever!
7. They have introduced you to all their friends, and their friends grand kids. You can’t understand how your grandparents have so many friends that they expect you to know when you can’t even keep track of your own. Are you still single? Well if you are you must meet Carol and Bruce’s grand son. They say he’s going into medicine!
8. The best thing ever is hearing your grandparents hesitate (or not) to curse. Once your mitzvah or communion has passed, the filter does too.
9. Are you hungry yet? Well even if you’re not, eat some soup.
10. Did you see that study on how technology is frying your brain?!!! Get off your phone you’re gonna get Carpel Tunnel.
11. They will always tell you the stories about your parents that your parents neglect to tell you (and you find out that your parents were total REBELS!!)
12. Are you sure you’re not cold?
13. They carry everything you would ever possibly need for an apocalypse in their pockets/purses. The only time you eat hard candy is when it’s fresh from Grandma’s purse.
14. The food (or everything) in their house has an expiration date of like January of 1980 but it’s probably still fine to eat.
15. SPF 100000, always.
16. That confused look on their face when you flip your phone to selfie mode.
17. They use REAL PAPER CALENDARS!!! Omg.
18. Ya really can’t leave grandma’s presence without a big lipstick smooch stain on your cheek.
19. Grandpa pleaaaaase stop doing that dance move.
20. You always get a phone call approximately a week before your birthday. Thank you for celebrating my birthday MONTH unlike the rest of the world, rude.
21. They’re always pulling out some weird, outdated, or confusing expressions on you. “Look what the cat dragged out of the bag!” Wait, what?
22. You were, are, and will always be the apple (pie) of their eyes!